Beautifully written, Rob. This reminder that we are never dealing with suicide, but always meeting a unique individual is deeply important.
Milton Erickson once said, “I am not a big fan of death — in fact, I think it’s the last thing I will ever do.” I’ve had several encounters with people who’ve shared that they were considering suicide, and what I’ve often noticed is a kind of trance — a narrowing of perception where pain feels absolute and possibilities disappear.
In that state, the mind becomes rigid, fixated on a single frame: this pain means there is no way forward. Yet, paradoxically, pain can be the doorway to possibility and change. When we approach that moment with curiosity and compassion, rather than fear or judgment, we often find that what’s really being expressed isn’t a desire for death, but for relief, understanding, or connection.
The egoic response to death — shame, guilt, helplessness — can be heavy. But beneath that, there’s room for forgiveness, for presence, and for reminding someone of their freedom to choose differently.
Words themselves are powerful. Sometimes a person says, “I want to die,” not because they truly intend to end their life, but because that is the only language big enough to hold the emotion they’re experiencing. That’s why listening — really listening — matters. When we help them see that they still hold complete control over their choices, we offer them back their agency, and often, their hope.
Thank you for continuing to bring humanity and humility into conversations where both are so needed.
Thank you, Rob, so much, for sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and expertise so generously! Your teachings are profound and seemingly simple; such a breath of fresh air!
Thank you for this. I like your lovely approach to your clients. Death and remembering self and others is integral not only to our work, but every single living entities existence. Remembering our presence and meeting others just at this point is extraordinarily nurturing. Nothing is pathologized, our uniqueness, instead is celebrated and worked with.
Thank you Rob. Yes. Lovely reminder. Your daily notes and discussions are allowing me to truly appreciate our work, my work, the work we do.
Thank you Kelly. We can all do with being reminded.
Beautifully written, Rob. This reminder that we are never dealing with suicide, but always meeting a unique individual is deeply important.
Milton Erickson once said, “I am not a big fan of death — in fact, I think it’s the last thing I will ever do.” I’ve had several encounters with people who’ve shared that they were considering suicide, and what I’ve often noticed is a kind of trance — a narrowing of perception where pain feels absolute and possibilities disappear.
In that state, the mind becomes rigid, fixated on a single frame: this pain means there is no way forward. Yet, paradoxically, pain can be the doorway to possibility and change. When we approach that moment with curiosity and compassion, rather than fear or judgment, we often find that what’s really being expressed isn’t a desire for death, but for relief, understanding, or connection.
The egoic response to death — shame, guilt, helplessness — can be heavy. But beneath that, there’s room for forgiveness, for presence, and for reminding someone of their freedom to choose differently.
Words themselves are powerful. Sometimes a person says, “I want to die,” not because they truly intend to end their life, but because that is the only language big enough to hold the emotion they’re experiencing. That’s why listening — really listening — matters. When we help them see that they still hold complete control over their choices, we offer them back their agency, and often, their hope.
Thank you for continuing to bring humanity and humility into conversations where both are so needed.
Thanks Steve. “If it doesn’t kill you, it just puts off the inevitable”.
Ain't that the truth...
Thank you, Rob, so much, for sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and expertise so generously! Your teachings are profound and seemingly simple; such a breath of fresh air!
With appreciation and love! T.
Thank you, Tatiana, for your appreciation, It’s a pleasure and a privilege. Our Gestalt friends say “It takes one to know one”
Thank you for this. I like your lovely approach to your clients. Death and remembering self and others is integral not only to our work, but every single living entities existence. Remembering our presence and meeting others just at this point is extraordinarily nurturing. Nothing is pathologized, our uniqueness, instead is celebrated and worked with.
Thanks for your comments. Conversations can be such an affirming reminder